Guilty as Sin
by JackiLeigh
Summary: Tony is seriously injured and Gibbs goes to some dark and unexpected places to deal with his guilt.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I am always a little hesitant to post emotional stories. I like writing them, but they are so OOC it's unreal. Also, this is AU because I allowed Kate to live. I am no medical expert so the medical stuff worked for the story, that's why it's there. Enjoy! and remember, reviews feed the writer's soul.

Gibbs stood at the same bedside, holding on to the same bedrail as he had for the past month, the longest month of his life.

It has started as an argument in the basement that had moved to the basement's landing. It ended in a pool of blood on Gibbs' basement floor. Gibbs had not been in the basement since. He had not called to have the railing fixed. He had called to have the blood cleaned up. It hurt his heart to know that it was there. He had even considered selling the house several times. Because, in his dreams, he looked over the broken railing of his basement handing and saw the broken body of Anthony DiNozzo, blood seeping from the back of his head.

Gibbs had tried to enter the basement. He needed the boat-building distraction now, more than ever. But he always had to look over that railing, almost expecting to see Tony lying there unconscious and bleeding. It was more than he could take.

It had taken all his strength to get himself dressed and looking presentable to the outside world. Inside he was dying. Gibbs had considered suicide. It had not been that big a leap to make since he had "killed" the one person in the world he dearly loved. The man he thought of as a son. Even if Tony survived this, the doctors all said that there would be severe brain damage. That he would most likely lose his sight and that there was the distinct possibility of paralysis.

Gibbs had thought about this. He couldn't help it. It was like a mantra running through his mind: Brain Damage, Blindness, Paralysis over and over again. Gibbs had decided/vowed to spend all the time he could with Tony at his bedside. Gibbs sat and held his hand, mostly. He didn't say much. Not because he didn't have anything to say. It was just that he hadn't wanted to upset Tony. Gibbs thought that just the sound of his voice might do that. He had so much to say to Tony, so much to tell him. He could fill a book with it all. But day after day all he could bring himself to do was to be a presence. There were things that needed to be said. Gibbs kept bringing himself back to the scene. Gibbs had raced down the stairs after Tony had hit the floor. He had not picked up Tony's broken body and cradled it in his arms, as much as he had wanted to. Gibbs had ached to hold Tony in his arms. But he also knew the slightest movement of Tony's body could injure him more. Gibbs had consoled himself with kneeling beside Tony, handling his hand and running his fingers through Tony's hair.

Gibbs didn't talk to his team much either, though they visited Tony daily. He knew they each were dealing with Tony's injury in their own way. McGee and Abby were taking it the hardest. But he knew Kate, Ducky and Jenny were having a very rough time also. They all were just waiting for Tony to wake up, waiting for Gibbs to return to normal.

The new Gibbs was confusing. He was brooding. (Well, not so new.) But he was also introspective, which was. It was more than disturbing. He apologized and he cried. More than once they had all seen Gibbs sitting by Tony's bedside with tears in his eyes.

Ducky finally got the story out of Gibbs as to what had happened. Tony and Gibbs had been arguing in the basement. Tony had said something and had started up the stairs. Gibbs caught Tony on the landing and tried to reason with him. There was a brief physical altercation. Tony fell against the railing. It gave way and Tony ended up with a fractured skull, a severe concussion, and 3 crushed vertebrae on Gibbs' basement floor.

Abby and Kate cried when they heard the whole story. Jenny even shed a tear. She was, after all, very fond of Tony. They all hoped against hope he would be able to be an NCIS agent again when he woke up.

Gibbs felt fingers move in his. He was sure it was just a reflex and he waited anxiously for more movement. Tony's fingers twitched again. Gibbs pressed the button for the nurse.

"Agent Gibbs…" Tony's nurse, Amanda Jacobs asked. She could tell by his expression that something had changed. "…what is it?"

"His fingers twitched. I felt his fingers move. It happened twice. The first time I thought it might have been a reflex, but the second time…" Gibbs was ecstatic.

"Agent Gibbs…" Amanda explained. "…it might still be a reflex. The damage to his vertebrae might be causing his body to produce small tremors. They are just random muscle contractions. In and of themselves they mean nothing.

"He's coming back, Amanda." Gibbs said, his voice pleading. "I can't think about the alternative."

Amanda smiled at Gibbs, not feeling nearly as optimistic. She stood and watched Tony, waiting for further movement.

"Tony." Gibbs said, squeezing Tony's hand. "I am so sorry. I should have never argued with you. You were right. I am extremely stubborn." Gibbs paused. He felt tears coming to his eyes. "I don't mean to use harsh tones with you. But what you did scared me. I saw you there, not moving, I thought you were dead. Now that you are waking up, I won't be around much. I think just hearing my voice upsets a little. After I know that you are awake, I will stop visiting. I want you to get better, and I don't want to hinder the process. I am having a really hard time imagining my life without you in it, but I am going to have to get used to it. I love you, Son." Gibbs squeezed Tony's hand again and let go. He stood up to leave before his emotions got the better of him.

"Leave?" Amanda questioned. "He needs you. You are here more than we are." Amanda said, referring to the nursing staff.

Gibbs shook his head. "But when he wakes up, he won't want to see me." Gibbs explained. "Trust me on this. I don't want to upset him. I am not going to do anything to hinder his progress. My staying with him after he wakes up would do that."

"I don't see how…" Amanda started.

"I am the reason he fell. We argued and it happened in my basement. It's my fault. I can live with that, but I can't live with hurting him more."

"Oh, Jethro, I'm sorry." Amanda said, seeing Gibbs tearing up.

"Yeah,…" Gibbs choked up. "…me to."

"Don't give up on your relationship and don't give up on this young man." Amanda said, referring to Tony. "He sounds like a reasonable, gentle, kind-hearted young man, from what you told me. He'll forgive you."

Gibbs looked down at Tony, expectantly. He had stood to leave, but he had not removed his hand from Tony's. Tony squeezed his hand. "Tony?" Gibbs paused. "Tony, if you can understand me, squeezed my hand 3 times." Gibbs requested.

Gibbs got the correct response.

"Can you answer yes or no questions? Squeeze my hand twice for yes and three times for no."

Tony squeezed Gibbs' hand twice.

"He's doing it." Gibbs looked up at Amanda and smiled. "He understands what I'm saying."

Gibbs asked several more questions and got responses.

"Do you know where you are?"

Three squeezes for no.

"Do you know what happened to you?"

Three squeezes for no.

Gibbs paused before asking his next question. He stared at Tony for a moment, the respirator, the heart monitor, the IVs and the morphine pump sending a variety of beeps and other noises into the otherwise silent room. "Do you know who I am?"

Tony squeezed his hand twice.

Gibbs sighed. He was glad Tony was not awake. He didn't want to have to read the level of hurt and betrayal he knew he would see in Tony's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Tony's squeezed Gibbs' hand hard once. Tony's heart rate increased and he grimaced in obvious pain.

"Jethro…" Amanda said, putting her stethoscope to her patient's bare chest. She listened to Tony's heart and breath sounds for a moment. "Don't leave." Amanda said straightening up and putting her stethoscope around her neck. "He needs you here. It's normal for patients just waking up to have pain. We don't want to overmedicate them. A large amount of pain medication can induce or prolong a coma state. This is actually a good thing." Amanda affirmed. "A sure sign he is waking up."

Gibbs took this time to leave the room and call the team to let them know of Tony's apparent good news. The rest of the team arrived within the hour including Director Shepard. They all gathered at the glass partition outside Tony's room.

Abby stood at the window and pressed her face up to the glass. She watched the nurses at work in Tony's room. "I just want Tony back." Abby said, simply.

Kate, McGee, and Ducky all nodded as they watched the nurses' work through the glass partition. They wanted the old Tony back too. But they were a little terrified to see what change might lay ahead for Tony when he woke up.

Abby stared in at Tony through the glass partition. "I thought the nurse said Tony was awake."

"No Abby, Amanda said he was waking up." Gibbs explained. "It could take awhile."

"I miss him so much." Abby lamented.

"Jethro's right." Jenny spoke up. "If we want the old Tony back, it may take a little time. He will come back to us when he's ready."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Two days passed. Tony responded to Gibbs a few more times through the squeezing of Gibbs hand.

The next day Tony opened his eyes. He was alone. Gibbs had gone out for coffee. Tony's hand went to his mouth to figure out why his throat was sore. He disconnected the tube from the air supply and a deafening alarm sounded, filling the room. The nurses' station came to life as half the staff ran down the hall to Tony's room.

Amanda entered the room first and smiled when she realized that her patient was in no real danger. Tony lay staring at her the tube in his hand. He had a confused look on his face and was grateful to her, seeming to relax when she silenced the alarm.

Amanda turned to Tony. "Agent DiNozzo, you are OK. You need that tube to breathe." Amanda said gently removing the tube from Tony's hand and reconnecting the ends. "My name is Amanda, by the way."

Tony tried to smile and nod at Amanda. He tried to talk around the tube. Tony soon gave up. He was hurting too much. He had a splitting headache and his back was killing him. He was quickly exhausted by his efforts. Tony's doctor, Christine Blanks, MD., arrived in minutes of being called by the nurses' station. She assessed Tony's condition and asked Tony if he wanted the tube removed. Tony blinked his consent and Dr. Blanks removed the tube. Gibbs and the rest of the team arrived in Tony's room in time enough to see Tony consent to the tube removal and then to see it removed. The nurses checked Tony's vitals and bandages again before they left and allowed his guests to visit.

Amanda pulled Gibbs aside, remembering what Gibbs had said he would do once Tony woke up. "Don't leave him now. If Tony remembers talking to you he is going to wonder where you are and why you're not here. It will upset him more to let him think you are angry with him."

"I can't face him." Gibbs said, looking at him lying there as the rest of the team gathered around the bed. "I can't…I just can't."

"You said you loved him and you called him your son. I know he is not your biological son. I know you DO love him, deeply. As much as a father could love a child." Amanda paused. "Love is hard sometimes. People hurt each other. They disappoint each other. But the love never goes away." Amanda took Gibbs' arm, not allowing him to leave. "Tony is a good-natured, sweet man. I can see that already. I'm a very good judge of character. He is going to need you." Amanda gave him an appraising look. "Former Marines are not the easiest people to get along with. I feel like you give Anthony a run for his money."

Gibbs smiled broadly. She was right on the nose.

"See…" Amanda replied. "…I knew it. I know he gives you a hard time, too."

Gibbs looked at her, shocked.

"ALL men with green eyes are trouble, and Anthony has beautiful deep green…emerald green eyes. The deepest I've seen." Amanda stated. "The former marine, ex-husband has green eyes." Amanda said smiling at Gibbs and left the room.

Gibbs stood and looked at his team. Tony had closed his eyes and Abby and Kate were on either side of him holding his hands. They were talking animatedly to each other. Ducky and McGee were also on either side of the bed. Jenny stood at the end of the bed. Gibbs took the opportunity and slipped away, knowing this may be the last time he ever saw Tony. Gibbs pulled up in front of his house. He sat for several minutes in the car. He was very, very grateful that Tony was awake, that went without saying. As he sat in the car he felt his depression lift.

The weight that Gibbs' guilt had placed on him slowly began to lift. It wasn't gone. Tony was just opening his eyes. No one knew if he was the same old Tony. No body even knew if he could talk. Gibbs doubted himself now. All those questions he had asked. What if Tony wasn't really responding to his questions? What if it WAS all muscle contractions? Tears filled his eyes at this realization. Gibbs sat in his car and cried. When his tears had almost stopped he left the car and entered his home. He locked the door for the first time in years, not from fear of burglary or theft, but from his emotional vulnerability. He moved through his house with stealth and precision, never needing to turn on a light. He even did his nightly rituals in the dark before entering his bedroom to go to bed. Gibbs collapsed into his bed, feeling how truly tired he was from his month-long vigil. He was clad only in a pair of gym shorts and had a fitful sleep.

Gibbs awoke with a start. Was it morning? The sound was familiar, the same sound Tony's body made when it hit his basement floor. But how could he hear it on the second floor of his house? Surely the noise couldn't carry that far. It brought on a brief feeling of nausea. He had heard that sound in his dreams for almost a month, but somehow this was different.

Gibbs rose out of his bed as quietly as he could. He looked at his gun on the nightstand and thought about taking it. But he knew that the gun would be useless. He carefully and quietly descended the steps and stopped at the bottom, on the first floor, and tried to pick up sound or some direction. His feet, however, automatically carried him to his basement door. Gibbs paused, the old feelings now coming back. He stood for a moment trying to decide what to do. Then he heard it, someone was sanding! Someone was in his basement sanding at, Gibbs looked at his watch, at 3:25 a.m. Gibbs opened the door and stepped onto the landing. He was surprised to see the railing intact.

"Boss." The voice of the sander drifted up to him.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked. He paused for just a moment before descending the stairs.

Tony made a wide open-armed gesture, than returned to sanding. "One and the same."

"You're in the hospital?" Gibbs asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and then sitting down mindless of the coldness of the room or the cement floor.

"Yep." Tony said paying particular attention to a nasty knot in the rib he was sanding.

"But, you're here?" Gibbs asked.

"Yep." Tony replied simply.

"What, no movie references? No jokes?" Gibbs inquired.

"Skull fractures and concussions don't tend to aid cognitive skills." Tony said, turning and looking at Gibbs.

"O.K…: Gibbs said slowly. "…but…."

"I am not talking to you from 'the great beyond…" Tony paused and thought for a second. "Oh, it was Butterfly, Firefly, some sort of fly. See what I mean about cognitive skills, starring Kevin Costner. The wife dies. Anyway, SHE had a message from beyond the grave. He was to be a dad, a baby girl. He didn't even know she was pregnant." Tony recognized Gibbs' impatient look. "Of course, there are some major differences."

"Some?" Gibbs asked.

"Well, I'm too young for Costner's character. You're to ol…, too old school. I meant to say, too military." Tony said, recovering quickly.

"So, if you're here…." Gibbs looked at Tony intently. He paused. "How can you be in two places at once?"

"You have been carrying me, your guilt, with you EVERYWHERE you go for a month. I was bound to manifest somewhere." Tony said. He brushed the sawdust off his pants and sat down on the boat frame. "This…" Tony gestured to the basement room. "…was as good a place as any."

"I'm sorry."

Tony smiled. "I pushed you."

Gibbs nodded. "Yes, you did. You always do. I just shouldn't have pushed back."

"What happened to me was an accident, Gibbs."

"I was angry, Tony."

"So was I." Tony stated. "As horrible as it was. As much pain as I was in and am in…. It was an accident."

"I can't accept that."

Tony sighed. "Stop being the poster child for guilt. It wasn't you."

"Then who."

"Nobody Boss, I was angry. You were angry. You're a bastard…the second B in Gibbs. I'm an insufferable 30-something child. It was bound to happen."

"Really?" Gibbs said, still seated on the bottom step.

"Sure, the unstoppable force, me, meets the immovable object, you."

Gibbs smiled, the description was quite accurate. "Well, unstoppable force…" Gibbs said standing and ascending the stairs. "…get back to the hospital and get some rest."

"On it, Boss." Tony said as his voice and his image faded.

Gibbs went to the landing and looked down at his empty basement. He turned off the light, returned to bed and slept till morning.

Gibbs woke up feeling relieved, than he remembered. He and Tony had resolved nothing and his relief faded. Thoughts of selling his house and the deep dark thoughts of depression and suicide returned.

Gibbs always though himself a strong person. This past month had proven he was anything but. He was weak. He was vulnerable and he hated it. Sure, he cared for the rest of the team. Abby was special. Ducky was a dear old friend. McGee was a bright, intelligent young agent with HUGE potential, perhaps even director of NCIS. And Kate, well Kate was Kate. She brought her own set of experience, challenges, and limitations to the job, as did they all.

But Tony, Gibbs sighed, Tony was special, very special. He LOVED Tony, that was the difference. Tony was his adopted son. Not just because he felt bad for the childhood Tony had endured, though it was horrible. Gibbs did feel bad for him, very bad, angry-to-the-point-of-strangling-Tony's-father-angry. There was something about Tony that was genuine, sweet, and innocent. His personality was genuine; he put on airs for no one. It was sweet and innocent, too. He accepted people easily. He didn't doubt people unless they gave him a reason to. If he liked you, you knew it. If he didn't, you knew that too.

All this reminded Gibbs of himself before Shannon's and Kelly's deaths, before he had decided the world was a bad place. Before he decided everyone had an agenda. He missed the man he used to be and sometimes, a lot more lately, he hated the man he had become.


	3. Chapter 3

Gibbs dragged himself out of bed and headed downstairs to make coffee. He passed the basement door, then remembered his dream. He opened the door, from the light coming in from the hall; he could see the railing was still broken. Gibbs shivered involuntarily and closed the door. He headed for the kitchen.

Gibbs was sipping his coffee when the phone rang. He answered on the second ring. "Gibbs."

"Well, you don't sound sick." Jenny stated.

"I didn't say I was. I told you I wanted leave." Gibbs said, sitting his coffee cup on the counter and gearing up for a fight.

"Yes, Agent Gibbs…" Gibbs could hear Jenny shuffling papers and could imagine her sitting at her desk reading his file. He prepared to retaliate. "…I see you have about 6 months-time accumulated. Do you plan to use it all?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know, Director." Gibbs said, his voice with an edge. "We'll see."

What Jenny said next threw him. "He needs you, Jethro. Tony needs you. And you need him." Jenny paused. "I'm sensing a dark mood here. I've seen you in moods before, Jethro. But this one scares me. You look so…haunted and…and lost."

"Jenny, I…."Gibbs was shocked. He thought he had hidden it well.

Jenny continued as if she had never been interrupted. "You need to talk to someone." Jenny paused. "In the meantime, you are to leave your service weapon at NCIS, in my hands."

"Jenny…." Jethro was mildly surprised.

"You're scarring me, Jethro. I'm scared for you."

"I'm not going to hurt myself." Gibbs stated without emotion.

"I want your gun in my desk. You can have it back when your leave is up." Jenny said, surprised she was not yet deaf from Jethro's yelling at her on the other end.

"When do you want it?" Gibbs asked, resigned.

"Uh…" Jenny stammered, not expecting that response. "…today, by…" She looked at her watch. "…11 a.m. See you then."

"Yeah, 11 a.m., not a problem." Gibbs said, then hung up the phone. Gibbs was actually early. He was there by 10:45 a.m. But then, Gibbs was always punctual.

Jenny was sitting at her desk when Gibbs entered. He took out his weapon, removed the clip and laid both on the desk. Jenny looked at the dismantled weapon. Then she looked at Gibbs. "Jethro, I…."

"I know, Jenny." Gibbs paused. "I understand."

"Since when are YOU so understanding?"

"It was my fault, Jenny." Gibbs said, his voice shaking, near tears.

Jenny got up and moved around the desk, towards Gibbs. She hesitated for a moment before she put her arms around him. "You would never intentionally hurt Tony. I don't believe that." Jenny stepped back to look at Gibbs. She wiped a tear from his cheek.

"We were arguing. It got physical. He fell back against the railing. I pushed him, either way, the railing broke and he ended up with a fractured skull and crushed vertebrae on MY floor." Gibbs had moved away from Jenny now and was angrily pacing in front of Jenny's desk.

Jenny stood back, leaning against her desk with her arms crossed. "Are you finished?"

Gibbs glared. "Yes, I'm finished."

"It's not your fault."

"Really?" Gibbs started pacing again. "Really, well, you tell him that while he's enduring painful physical therapy! Tell him that if he ends up paralyzed! Comfort yourself with that if he turns out to be a vegetable, if he's mentally retarded, if he never remembers who he is or who you are! Tell him that when he's lost his sight and needs a seeing-eye dog or a cane to take a piss!" Gibbs paused long enough to catch her breath. "I'm sure he will find it of great comfort! 'It wasn't Gibbs' fault.'" Gibbs added sarcastically before collapsing into one of Jenny's chairs.

Jenny just looked at him, dumbfounded.

Gibbs sat for a few moments in the silence calming himself. He again wiped the ears from his eyes. "I had a lot of time on my hands sitting at Tony's bedside. I read up on the results of skull fracture and crushed vertebrae injuries. He could have all the things I mentioned, or he could have any combination of the things I mentioned to any degree."

"He could be the 'same old Tony.'" Jenny stated.

"There is a less than 2% chance." Gibbs stated from the research he had read.

"Then there's still a chance." Jenny said, and smiled a little.

"Yeah." Gibbs sighed and stood up. "Maybe you do need to keep that." Gibbs stated, referring to the gun. He then left Jenny's office.

Jenny picked up the gun and slid it into her desk and locked the drawer. Jenny's conversation with Jethro had done nothing to lessen her fears about his mental state.

Gibbs was notably absent from the hospital. But he kept himself busy. He had the railing repaired. He had decided to sell his house, so between his real estate agent, potential buyers, and open houses he had little time to think, to dwell on things.

Gibbs had found another house on the same street, the same size 5 houses down from his. It had a big basement too, though somehow he doubted he would be using it for boat building. Gibbs could not move in for another 3 months. He had not found a buyer for his house yet, but there were 2 interested clients. So he had hoped it would be soon. But for the time being he busied himself with packing.

Gibbs found that the packing was painful. He didn't realize he still had so many of Shannon's clothes and Kelly's toys stored in the attic. He barely remembered packing it all up and putting it up there, saying he would sort it all out later. It was now 15 years later and "later" still had not come.

Gibbs pulled all Shannon's and Kelly's things out and put them in the living room. He stood staring at them, reliving the good memories and the painful ones. He then boxed the items back up and donated them to Goodwill. The entire process took about 2 weeks. Gibbs went though each item, touching it, holding it, and sometimes even crying with it clutched to his chest.

Gibbs was kept well informed of Tony's progress by Ducky and Abby. The team could, in some ways, understand Gibbs' feelings of guilt. They could not, however, excuse his absence. They told Tony the truth when he asked about Gibbs, which was starting to be about every day.


	4. Chapter 4

The good news with Tony was that he could see. He could hear. He knew everybody, but he had other lapses in memory. He knew which building he lived in, but he didn't know which floor or the apartment number. He knew he worked for NCIS, but didn't know where he sat, those types of things.

Tony also had to relearn some things, like walking and feeding himself. It wasn't so much that he had forgotten. It was that his balance was off and his hands shook a little.

Physical therapy was excruciating. Tony had it almost every day. By the time the soreness went away from the last session he was back at it again. But he was walking much steadier and his hands had nearly stopped shaking.

"I'm doing better?" Tony asked Wayne Preston one of the physical therapists assigned to him on a rotating basis.

"Much, Tony." Wayne said.

"When will I be finished with all this?" Tony asked, meaning the physical therapy.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves yet, Tony. There are two parts to PT. First, we bring the body part up to the appropriate level of function, which is what we are doing now. Secondly, is to maintain that level of function. That part is harder. You won't have me around all the time to make you, push you. You will be largely on your own for that part." Wayne paused. "What you have truly in your favor is the fact you are a runner." Tony slowly took another step as Wayne watched. "That means you already have good muscle tone in your legs. It will not be hard or take long to build those muscles back up." At this point, Tony stopped walking. Wayne brought the wheelchair up behind him and he lowered himself carefully into the seat. He was breathing hard and his back hurt.

"Will the pain ever go away?" Tony asked.

Wayne smiled and nodded. "It will, Tony, in time. You're working muscles that are not used to all that work. You gave them a month's rest and they got used to it really quick."

Tony leaned back in the chair, grateful when Wayne called it a day and wheeled him back to his room. Abby was there waiting when he got back. She helped Wayne get Tony back in bed. "How is Tony doing, Wayne?"

"Better every day, Abby." Wayne said, as they both help arrange the covers over the patient.

Abby nodded. "Tony, how was…?" Abby stopped midsentence when she looked down at Tony and realized that he had already closed his eyes.

"He's tired." Wayne explained. "Our session wasn't as long today. He pushed himself pretty hard, so I thought I would cut it short."

Abby nodded again. She slipped her hand into Tony's and used the other to brush the hair off his forehead.

"He's lucky to have a friend like you, all of you." Wayne said as he turned the wheelchair around and left the room.

Kate and Tim entered as Wayne was leaving. "How is he?" Kate whispered to Abby.

"He's good..." Abby brushed the stray hair from his forehead again. "…just tired from physical therapy."

Tim motioned to Abby and they all went out into the hall.

"What's going on?" Abby said, glancing back at Tony's sleeping form through the open door. "Why did we need to come out here?"

"Gibbs." Tim stated.

Kate continued. "Gibbs showed up at work today. He went straight to Director Shepard's office, stayed about 20 minutes and then left. He didn't come down to see us."

Tim picked up the story. "He didn't go see Ducky. We just talked to him before we left to come here. Ducky and Jimmy are on their way, by the way."

Abby shook her head. "Well, I didn't see him today either." Abby looked back in on Tony. "I heard he is selling his house."

Kate nodded. "I drove by the other day. There is a 'For Sale' sign in the yard."

"Gibbs told Ducky he couldn't live there because he couldn't walk into that basement and not think about what happened to Tony." Tim stated.

"We need to get back in there. Tony will think something is wrong." Kate said and they all reentered Tony's room Abby resumed her position from before and Kate took Tony's other hand.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked when they all got back into the room.

Nobody said anything at first. They didn't know he even knew they were gone.

"Talk to me, Kate. What's wrong?" Tony asked, looking up at her.

"Nothing." Kate answered, not quite meeting his gaze.

"Uh, huh." Tony said, giving Kate an appraising look. He turned his penetrating, green-eyed gaze to McGee. "Alright Probalicious, what's going on?"

Tim smiled and laughed.

"WHAT is so funny?" Tony asked, clearly annoyed.

"You haven't called me Probie since…." Tim explained the huge grin on his face. "I was actually starting to miss it."

Abby began. "We haven't told you about this before, because we weren't sure what to make of it." Abby paused and then looked up at Tim and Kate before she continued. "Gibbs has been out on leave, since you…your accident. He's stayed by your bedside, day and night. Director Shepard had to reassign someone to run the team. Since you woke up he still has not been back to work. Director Shepard told Ducky, Gibbs had 6 months leave-time accumulated. She asked Ducky about Gibbs' state of mind. Ducky didn't have a clue." Abby paused to let what she said soak in.

Tony looked at Abby confused. "But Gibbs loves NCIS." Tony paused. "At least, I think he loves it. That's what I remember."

"He loves you more, my dear boy." Ducky said, having caught the last couple sentences of what Abby had said. He and Jimmy entered the room and came up to the bedside.

"What?" Tony said surprised by Ducky's sudden appearance, and by what he had said.

"Gibbs is fond of all of us. We each are important to him." Ducky paused. "But you, Tony…you're special."

"I don't understand…." Tony started.

"You are, to him, like a son. He loves you like you're his." Ducky stated. "It may be misplaced affection, because of Kelly. But it is very real, Tony. When you landed on that basement floor, it nearly killed him. He felt like he might as well have just put a bullet in your brain, himself." Ducky said, unable to stop himself.

"Ducky?" Tony said. He was getting visibly upset.

"Anthony, I am so sorry. I did not mean to upset you, my dear boy." Ducky said. He motioned for Kate to move back and stepped into her spot. He stood quietly for a moment, taking Tony's pulse and watching him breathe. When he was satisfied Tony's vitals had returned to normal, he continued. "I should never have told you that now. It could have waited for a later date. But…I don't know. I just felt like you need to know." Ducky paused. "The Gibbs you used to know is…missing. I don't recognize my old friend."

"Gibbs is Gibbs, Ducky." Tony said, sounding like his old self.

"Tony, your accident hurt him." Jenny said, walking into the room. She had heard most of what Ducky had said. "Ducky is right. I don't want to upset you either. But Jethro is hurting. He blames himself for what happened to you. He said he didn't know if he pushed you, or if you just fell against the railing, but it was his fault. He is not in a good place right now."

"What does that mean?" Tony asked and he did not miss that fact that they all exchanged glances before answering.

Jenny sighed. "Let's just say. I have his gun locked up in my desk until he returns from leave."

They all were standing shocked and surprised, by this new information.

"What!" Kate asked.

"I asked him to bring his gun into me, and he agreed." Jenny explained.

"Just like that?" Tim asked, stunned.

"Yeah, Tim, just like that. Believe me. I was surprised too." Director Shepard said. She moved over to Tony's bedside and Abby moved back so that she could get closer. "He needs you now, Tony. He is in a dark place. I…" Jenny paused.

"What?" Tony asked, wanting her to answer, but still afraid he knows what she is going to say.

"I was…I am afraid he will hurt himself." Jenny paused. "I know he probably owns other guns. If he doesn't, he could get his hands on one easy enough." She sighed. "I just wanted him to know I was aware of what was going on with him."


	5. Chapter 5

Tony sighed. When he had first woken up, he had felt something. He didn't know what it was. But he had chalked it up to the fact that he hadn't really known what was really going on at all. He didn't understand why Gibbs had not been there. He had remembered hearing Gibbs talking to him. He had remembered hearing Gibbs saying something about leaving and not coming back. That had upset Tony greatly. He wanted Gibbs to know that. Tony had squeezed Gibbs' hand, as hard as he could, to let Gibbs know how he felt about Gibbs's leaving. "Gibbs said he wouldn't be back to see me anymore…." Tony said, remembering.

"He thought you seeing him would upset you." Ducky explained. "He didn't want to do anything to hinder your progress."

Tony nodded. "I remember him telling one of my nurses…Amanda. I think was her name."

Abby nodded. "Yeah, you had a nurse named Amanda when you were in the ICU. She dropped by to see you yesterday, but you were asleep. She told me not to wake you. She said you were looking much better and she had heard good things about your progress."

"It's good to know I am remembering some things." Tony said as an aside to Abby. Then he turned his attention to Ducky and Jenny. "What you said about the bossman, Director. It can't be true. He is so…so solid. And Ducky, he left because him staying here would hurt me?" Tony paused. "I don't get that at all."

"He blames himself, Tony for everything that happened. It happened in his basement. It was his fault." Ducky said, trying to make Tony understand.

"I don't blame him. He didn't physically push me. I fell. I fell back and the railing gave way. It wasn't his fault." Tony paused and tried to sit up a little. It hurt too much so he resumed his former position. "He was angry. He said I had taken a stupid risk in trying to catch…I don't remember his name. He saw me fall during the chase. I had tripped, but he didn't know that. I lay there for just a minute because the wind had been knocked out of me. He thought I had been shot. I went to his place that night, to talk about the case. He laid into me. He told me to never make any kind of move like that without clearing it with him first."

"Tony,…." Kate started.

"I changed the game plan, mid-play and didn't tell him about it. No wonder he was pissed." Tony stated.

Tim said. "With what you did, we ended up catching the guy."

Tony nodded. "Good to know, but Gibbs was still pissed that night."

"This is not about THAT case, Tony." Abby moved beside the Director and took Tony's hand again. "This is about your relationship with Gibbs. You mean a lot to him, something special. Like Ducky says, Gibbs loves you." Abby squeezed his hand a little. "I'm not even THAT special to him."

Tony sighed and leaned back against his pillows, unsure what to say or what to think.

Jenny nodded. "You are the son he never had, Tony."

Kate and Tim had always known that Tony and Gibbs had a special relationship. Neither of them had been invited to stay at the bossman's house when they got sick or were injured. They knew it would not be okay if they just "dropped by." Those privileges were not reserved for Tim and Kate. They knew that and were okay with it.

"You have to get him here. I need to talk to him." Tony stated. "He needs to understand that he is not to blame for this."

Jenny shook her head. "It's not that easy. He can't face you. He won't come."

"Right now he is too busy moving." Kate interjected.

"What? Moving? Where is he moving to?" Tony asked. His heart monitor spiked and an alarm sounded.

Ducky gently pushed him back down on the bed from where he had tried to sit up. "Calm, down, Anthony. He is not leaving NCIS. He is not leaving the state. He is just moving down the street."

"He sold his house…." Tony said, stunned and shaking his head.

"Actually, his is in the process. He is packing and he is showing his house right now." Ducky said. "He has two families interested. He has already put his bid in on a house down the street."

"Why?" Tony said, completely mystified.

"Gibbs hasn't been in his basement since your accident." Abby explained. "He rarely went home, except to change his clothes. He said it didn't feel like home anymore."

"That's not Gibbs." Tony stated.

"No, Tony, it's not. He hasn't been the same since that night." Kate said. "I came into your hospital room, this was before you woke up. I saw him crying, Tony. I have NEVER seen him cry. He has endured a LOT of physical pain over the years I have known him, but he never cried."

They all nodded. They had all seen that particular scene played out before them, more than once.

"I still want to see him." Tony restated his request. "Try to get him here, please."

They each nodded. Tony could read their faces, however, and he knew it would be an uphill battle. When Leroy Jethro Gibbs set his mind to something, it was nearly impossible to change it.

Tony improved more and more as each week passed. It was not long until Tony left the hospital, able to walk out under his own power and with all his faculties. All Team Gibbs prayers had been answered. The 'old Tony' was back.

Gibbs had not been told of Tony's release. There was a huge surprise planned and Tony was a huge part of it.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I would like to thank you all who reviewed this story. I, as I said at the beginning, was really, really unsure about posting a story so OOC for Gibbs and so emotional. But, surprisingly, it was well received, so thank you all for that. This is the last chapter to a story I really enjoyed writing.

The muse wouldn't let me go on this particular story. I really didn't the mental picture of Tony lying on Gibbs basement floor with blood coming out of the back of his head. I found it really disturbing, but it demanded to be written. Thanks again.

It took two cars, and a truckload of food to carry out their plan. Team Gibbs, and Jenny, showed up at Gibbs new house. Tim and Abby each drove. They pulled up in front of Gibbs' new house and piled out. Abby pulled the trunk release and everyone, except Tony, took a bowl or platter and started for the front door. Abby rang the doorbell, bowl in hand.

Gibbs opened the door and stood dumbfounded for just a moment, looking at his team and Jenny in amazement. They were all standing in such a way as to conceal Tony's presence.

"You can't move into a new house, without a house warming." Abby said, balancing a bowl, a present and her purse precariously in her arms.

"I'm not in the mood for a party." Gibbs stated flatly.

"I think our present will change your mind." Abby said, leading him on.

"There is nothing in that box…" Gibbs said, indicating the present Abby currently carried in her arms. "…that will change my mind."

"That's only part of your gift…." Ducky said smiling as they all moved aside and Gibbs saw Tony standing for the first time since he left Tony's bedside. "…here's your main present." Ducky smiled. "He was a little difficult to wrap."

"You wouldn't come to me…" Tony said, making his way slowly up the stairs with Ducky's help. "…so, I thought I would come to you." Tony said smiling. He looked up at Gibbs new house. "Nice house, no upstairs?"

By the time Tony reached the top of the 4 stairs that comprised his stairway, tears were streaming down Gibbs' face. He made no effort to stop them. Gibbs put his hands on both sides of Tony's face and stared at him for just a second. Gibbs then pulled Tony into his arms and held his tight, resting his head on Tony's shoulder. "I love you, Son." Gibbs paused. "I am so sorry I hurt you."

Tony was speechless for a moment, so what everybody had said was true. He was special in Gibbs eyes. "This was not your fault." Tony said, returning the hug. "I'm OK." Tony winced slightly.

Gibbs pulled back and looked at him, concerned. Gibbs had stopped crying, but his face and his eyes were still red.

"My back is still a little sore." Tony explained. "It's fine." He was still a little overwhelmed by Gibb's reaction.

Gibbs hugged Tony tightly, again. They stood there for a few minutes. Then Gibbs realized Tony was beginning to tire. Gibbs pulled back from Tony. Gibbs was smiling. The first time he had smiled in months. Gibbs slipped his arm around Tony's waist. "Come on, Son. Let's get you inside." Gibbs turned and helped Tony inside. The rest followed.

Tony leaned over and whispered in Gibbs' ear. "Sure, Dad." Tony then said, out loud. "Let's eat. I'm starving." Tony paused. "So, I thought you liked houses with second floors. Getting too old to be climbing stairs?" Tony asked smiling.

"It's comments like that that earn you head-slaps." Gibbs said moving his hand to the back of Tony's head. But instead of a head slap Gibbs just gently squeezed the nape of Tony's neck. He helped Tony to sit down on his couch in the living room. Everyone else headed for the kitchen to get the food ready. Tony and Gibbs could hear the sounds of meal preparation in the kitchen and the sounds of animated, happy talk.

Tony smiled and nodded. He waited for it to happen.

Gibbs placed his hand on Tony's shoulder. "Now that we have a few minutes to talk…. They have all missed you." Gibbs stated, indicating Team Gibbs and Jenny in the kitchen.

Tony looked at Gibbs for a long moment before he said anything. "You didn't hurt me, Gibbs. You would never intentionally hurt me. I know that. I fell against the railing, it broke. That was not your fault. You didn't push me."

Gibbs sat silent studying his hands for a moment. He didn't want Tony to see him cry again.

When Gibbs didn't say anything Tony continued. "I know I disobeyed a direct order. I had tripped when you saw me fall. I landed hard and it knocked the wind out of me." Tony explained. "That is why I had to lay there for an extra second. I needed a little time to recover."

"I was so angry, Tony. I saw you lying here. I thought…." Gibbs started.

"I know. You thought I had done something stupid and had gotten myself shot. I know you were angry." Tony said. "I was angry too. I didn't change the game plan to piss you off, believe it or not. I was trying to do the 'Gibbs thing' and trust my gut."

Gibbs nodded and smiled through tears. "I have kind of beaten that into you. Haven't I?"

Tony sighed. "Just a little, for the past…6 years."

"Six years, huh. Four more than at your other jobs." Gibbs observed.

"Yeah." Tony paused as everyone left the kitchen plates of food and drinks in hand. Jenny gave Gibbs his food and soda and Abby put Tony's plate in his lap as she settled down beside him. "I think it must be something about the job…" Tony paused. "…or the people. You never know. Then again, everybody should have at least one tall, good-looking, smart-ass to put up with."

Abby smiled and leaned against Tony. "I'm glad to have the 'old Tony' back."

Tony smiled and kissed the top of her head. "You may regret those words."

"Never." Abby said, looking at Tony. "Eat!"

"Yes, Ma'am!" Tony said and saluted.

The End

Guilty As Sin

Page 3 of 3


End file.
